Showing posts from 2018

Stress?? Who is she?

Stress?? Who is she? an appreciation post by your local anxiety sufferer
~~~~ Trigger Warnings: suicide mention, panic attacks ~~~~     In all honesty, I have no idea when my anxiety started. Maybe it was during my early childhood when I would scream and cry and throw up at the thought of having to go to social outings or maybe it was middle school when I would spend my nights overthinking every conversation I had the previous day. In high school, I continue to avoid loud social situations (like, you know, the lunch room) and struggle to make it through a school week without having a complete meltdown. Some nights, I cry and panic in my bed at the thought of having to leave my house in the morning. It is a vicious cycle. Less sleep means more stress which means less sleep. It all spirals downward until I have a complete breakdown, usually in my room at around 2am. I've been seeking treatment for two years now, does it ever get any better????? Yes. I promise it does.     I move no…

emotions are confusing.

emotions are confusing.     I have been bullied my whole life. That is not something you would immediately gather from looking at me. I am conventionally attractive. I am smart. I am confident. I come from a loving family. From the outside, my life seems pretty nice. So what exactly have people found to use against me?  I've heard everything from anorexic to fat to stupid to fake to weird. However contradictory, all of these things have one thing in common. Their motivation had nothing to do with me. 
Misery loves company, and let me tell you teenagers are pretty miserable. In most cases, people are mean because they are insecure. EVERY instance of bullying in my life has been because the other person was struggling with their own demons. Now, do not get me wrong. There are some inherently nasty people out there who are just mean to be mean, but those people are certainly not the majority. Our instinctual reaction to hate is to shoot back something equally mean. Why should we be n…

Of Falling Leaves and Forest Whispers

Of Falling Leaves and Forest Whispers Rekindling a Romance with Autumn    September has befallen us, and the beginning of autumn creeps ever closer in the Northern Hemisphere. Harvest time and I have had a tumultuous relationship ever since I arrived here in Seattle as a South Texas transplant. The sudden drop in temperature and gradual change in foliage color signified one thing to me: the coming of darkness. Here in Seattle, we get an average of 14 sunny days (categorized as 30% cloud cover or less) per every fall and winter. It grows rather gloomy here in this damp little corner of the United States, and I say that as lovingly as one can. Seattle is quite endearing. 

    Therein lied my problem. Having grown up in the beautifully sunny small town of Boerne, Texas, I was accustomed to much more day light and struggled to cope with the lack of bright, shining days here in Seattle. What ever was a country girl to do, y'all? Well, for my first two autumns here, I moped. I cried. I…

The Fear of Failure + How to Break It

The Fear of Failure + How to Break It     People say that AP Chemistry is one of the hardest AP classes offered in high school. Only the best of the best can hope for a 5 on the AP exam. Months of studying, no semblance of a social life, and lots of tears might get you a three or four if you are just average.  If you are not smart enough to ever hope for a good score on the exam, why even try? You will never be able to do it. You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. You are not talented enough. Do not even try, you will never be enough... 
                                                                 or so I told myself.          I made it to the exam, but I had given up months ago. I had stopped paying attention in class because I was convinced that I was too stupid to actually comprehend what was being discussed. I did not study a single hour, I just showed up to get the exam over. I got a two, I was not expecting anything more.  So here's the interesting part....  …

The Power of Kindness

The Power of Kindness in a Broken World     This morning before anyone else had awoken, I sat down to enjoy my first meal back home. Taking a sip of tea from my favorite teal ceramic cup, I surveyed the dining room table to find a stack of newspapers that had accumulated unread in my absence. I picked up a particular paper whose headline caught my attention, 'It makes me feel strong.' As my eyes scanned the July 1st issue of the Seattle Times, I read about eight-year-old Frannie Ronan, the youngest competitor in this year's Special Olympics USA games. Frannie is a gymnast, and she also has Down Syndrome. I read about her excitement for the games and her love of performing. Frannie's joy translated beautifully through the pages. Moving to the next article, I read Timothy Shriver's interview. Eunice Kennedy Shriver, his mother, founded the Special Olympics in 1962. He grew up in the organization, and saw how much it meant to so many people. However, there was someth…

Live It Coco: Behind the Name

Live It Coco: Behind the Name    As are many aspects of my life, the transition to Live It Coco from the previous My Collection Of Musings was sudden and brought on by a split second spark of inspiration. The idea behind the name however, has been years in the making. I have always wanted my blog to represent something more than just writing. I wanted to create a community, a movement. There is so much more to life than pretty instagram pictures and fancy skincare. The purpose of this blog is to bring people together around the three hashtags #liveitkind, #liveitresponsible, and #liveittrue...... but what does that mean?

Who is Coco?    Coco was my childhood nickname but when I say Live It Coco, I am not saying that we should all live like me. Actually, it may be close to the opposite. The name Coco is meant to allude to the childlike self-love and innocence that the world takes from us. Think back to those days when we thought we could grow up to be anything, back to when the people o…