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Showing posts from September, 2018

Stress?? Who is she?

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Stress?? Who is she? an appreciation post by your local anxiety sufferer
~~~~ Trigger Warnings: suicide mention, panic attacks ~~~~     In all honesty, I have no idea when my anxiety started. Maybe it was during my early childhood when I would scream and cry and throw up at the thought of having to go to social outings or maybe it was middle school when I would spend my nights overthinking every conversation I had the previous day. In high school, I continue to avoid loud social situations (like, you know, the lunch room) and struggle to make it through a school week without having a complete meltdown. Some nights, I cry and panic in my bed at the thought of having to leave my house in the morning. It is a vicious cycle. Less sleep means more stress which means less sleep. It all spirals downward until I have a complete breakdown, usually in my room at around 2am. I've been seeking treatment for two years now, does it ever get any better????? Yes. I promise it does.     I move no…

emotions are confusing.

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emotions are confusing.     I have been bullied my whole life. That is not something you would immediately gather from looking at me. I am conventionally attractive. I am smart. I am confident. I come from a loving family. From the outside, my life seems pretty nice. So what exactly have people found to use against me?  I've heard everything from anorexic to fat to stupid to fake to weird. However contradictory, all of these things have one thing in common. Their motivation had nothing to do with me. 
Misery loves company, and let me tell you teenagers are pretty miserable. In most cases, people are mean because they are insecure. EVERY instance of bullying in my life has been because the other person was struggling with their own demons. Now, do not get me wrong. There are some inherently nasty people out there who are just mean to be mean, but those people are certainly not the majority. Our instinctual reaction to hate is to shoot back something equally mean. Why should we be n…

Of Falling Leaves and Forest Whispers

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Of Falling Leaves and Forest Whispers Rekindling a Romance with Autumn    September has befallen us, and the beginning of autumn creeps ever closer in the Northern Hemisphere. Harvest time and I have had a tumultuous relationship ever since I arrived here in Seattle as a South Texas transplant. The sudden drop in temperature and gradual change in foliage color signified one thing to me: the coming of darkness. Here in Seattle, we get an average of 14 sunny days (categorized as 30% cloud cover or less) per every fall and winter. It grows rather gloomy here in this damp little corner of the United States, and I say that as lovingly as one can. Seattle is quite endearing. 

    Therein lied my problem. Having grown up in the beautifully sunny small town of Boerne, Texas, I was accustomed to much more day light and struggled to cope with the lack of bright, shining days here in Seattle. What ever was a country girl to do, y'all? Well, for my first two autumns here, I moped. I cried. I…